from old e-mails

"OK, here goes... I really like you too. You're on my mind a lot.
There are definitely alarms going off in my head regarding the
seemingly imminent threat of you being everything I've ever wanted in a
woman."


(introspectre giggles relentlessly!!!)

How you doing with that imminent threat now, darlin?
(WINK)

good morning my love

Enjoy your day!
Shine brightly!
For I adore you,
And you are mighty....

(rhyme not intended but what the hell, I'll keep it)
(What? I am not a dork! Ok, maybe)

Have I mentioned yet today that I love you?
No?

I woke up at 5:30 this morning, with my brain off and running to organize the details of moving...I've been sitting here looking up moving options and making lists and planning all morning.

(grin)
Just so you know.

Every night when it's time to hang up, I ache for the sound of your voice before you go...and after we hang up I usually lay there for a few minutes with my lip stuck out, sad and disgruntled at being pulled away from the life affirming warmth that is you.
Soon....soon......
(sigh)
Soon.

super double bajillion yays!

Oooooooooh baby,
I can't wait to be there. And the cloud that has followed me around for a month or so has lifted and I feel free. It's crazy, normally the mere idea of packing up and moving 500 miles to be with some guy would strike me as complete insanity, but this seems so right...anything else would be insanity.
I can't really express my joy adequately.
I've got the next lifetime to do it, though.

I am so in love with you.........

I'm going to run off and marry you.
Ok?

Regarding new rules....

Ok, so I hang up and immediately do the math.... 8 pm is 20 hours from now.
20 hours!!!!

Oh....I know, I know......

Tell it to my lip.

"Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be...."

Talking Heads, This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody)

I have come to the conclusion that mere language is simply not enough to convey the love in my being for you.
However, despite this realization, I shall continue to articulate my love for you via this limited and archaic method of information transfer.

watching the signs

Last night you were listening to America, and singing along....and I curled up in a ball on my bed, held the phone closer and closed my eyes and sang along, too, knowing in that moment that everything was right with the world, at least OUR world.
This morning we're both stressing about how to see each other this weekend and the moment I walked in to work that very same song was playing...

"will you meet me in the middle?"

I see us cuddled up on a couch 8 hours from now.
My will be done.

"Sun lights up the daytime
Moon lights up the night
I light up when you call my name
And you know I'm gonna treat you right

You give me fever when you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever in the morning
Fever all through the night

Romeo loved Juliet
Juliet she felt the same
When he put his arms around her
He said 'Julie, baby, you're my flame
Thou giv-est fever when we kisseth
Fever with the flaming youth
Fever I'm afire
Fever yea I burn for sooth'"

Elvis Presley, Fever

I'm stripped to the bone
bared before you, I tremble
pained lesson, to trust...

you are my angel
fear's no longer an option
time to let go; grow

stress

I have the image of the two of us getting squished down into a funnel aimed at our future. It's getting tight and uncomfortable in here, but soon we'll pop out the other side.
SQUISHY!!!! ARGH!

"When I'm with you I don't know whether I should study neurosurgery or go to see the Care Bears movie...."

Weird Al, That's What You Do To Me

dreaming of you:

Tonight you're driving to your friends house in DC. I drank champagne with my friend and stayed out in the sun waaaaay tooooo looong.....and fell asleep. I knew you would call me when you got there, but instead I dreamed you came to see me. You and I were laying on the couch and I was still trying to joyously wrap my mind around the fact that I got to be with you, kiss you, make love to you....and the phone rang. I woke up, answered it, heard your voice and realize it was a dream and you are hundreds of miles away. When we hung up I laid there and cried.

(long pause)
I know we have the rest of our lives. I know a few months aren't long by comparison. I keep telling myself these things, but.....(bursts into tears again)....

I miss you

IM chatter

(8:38:31 PM): Completely unrelated. Do you like my blog user name?
(8:38:37 PM): love it
(8:38:50 PM): actually chuckled about farsight+introspectre
(8:39:08 PM): I know, me too after I saw them side by side.
(8:39:14 PM): like I look in and you watch out
(8:39:20 PM): its awesome
(8:39:36 PM): We're the spiritual crime-fighting duo!!
(8:39:43 PM): Farsight and the Introspectre!!
(8:39:50 PM): EVIL BEWARE!!
(8:39:53 PM): I'm so totally going to make us capes
(8:39:57 PM): Dude.
(8:39:59 PM): Do it.
(8:40:00 PM): dude!
(8:40:21 PM): I'll make you f#@k me in that cape though!

Listen To The Mustn'ts

"Listen to the MUSTN'TS child,
Listen to the DON'TS,
Listen to the SHOULDN'TS,
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS.
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me-
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be."

Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends

I had a friend ask me about you today. She wanted to know exactly what I thought of you. I looked her in the eye and said, "He is heaven wrapped in flesh, " without smiling.
She stared at me. And then started jumping up and down while squealing.
Obviously, she gets it.

missing you

I must be grateful for the pains of love
I must be grateful for the pains of love
I must be grateful for the pains of love
I must be grateful for the pains of love
I must be grateful for the pains of love
I must be grateful for the pains of love

Perhaps if I keep saying it I will make myself believe it.
It pains me to be without you. But I must not wallow in my sulkiness, I must be grateful so the Universe will continue to bestow magnificence upon me.

MUST.....BE........GRATEFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how your love makes me feel:

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise."

The Beatles, Blackbird

Dude. Seriously.

Being with you is like standing in the presence of God. I want to bask in your mind numbing radiance. Everything that comes out of you is golden. If you think it is any other way, you're freaking nuts.

I wake up in the morning and my groggy half lidded thoughts start to take inventory....LOL...it's the best way I can think to describe it. And my mind always runs to you...which either causes me to snap awake in excitement or drift back to sleep while smiling. Each morning, without fail, I am acutely aware of the distance between us and it pains me. Then I think I should be grateful for that pain, grateful to have found love, grateful for you no matter how far apart we are.
This morning I am filled with a joyous anxiety. I want so badly to be with you, and it seems to get harder every day. I don't want either one of us to do anything rash or foolishly impulsive....but I have to confess moments like this make me wonder.....how in the world can we wait much longer?
So I am determined to redirect that energy to finding a solution.
Somewhere in the ethers a solution waits....
and it makes me want to drop to my knees and pray for guidance in finding it.

Somewhere in the ethers a solution awaits us.

from e-mail:

I feel like words have reached a limit when I think about you. I've never felt at a loss for words to describe the way I've ever felt about any man.
I can only describe it in emotional metaphors:
my love for you feels like an underwater electrical storm, through which I have the incomprehensible ability to soar.
It's light, it's dark, it's shocking and soothing and life altering.
Knowing you and our union has caused me to grow, to change, to awaken....and it's a nearly tangible change taking place. I feel like me, but different every day. As if you are some wonder drug that causes me to discover who I really am, and thus I am better able to see the beauty in the world around me.
You electrify me.
I love you.